Hey everyone!
I know I haven't used this in ages but I figured that since I was in Costa Rica it would be easier than trying to send everyone e-mails. Costa Rica is beautiful although San Jose is your typical city type atmosphere congested but exciting. I really have no clue what to write here, when I sit down to actually talk about it the words escape me.
We haven't done too much yet since today was just our first full day but I've gotten the chance to meet some new people and have made friends with my roommates. My house mom is wonderful and doesn't really speak much English at all so that's been a challenge. Luckily our roommate Sara knows some and has been able to help us translate. They told us that after today there wasn't going to be much more English spoken so that should be interesting. I was surprised by how much you can pick up when you know you have to do it.
Aside from that, not much else has happened. I plan on posting pictures on Facebook sometime soon so you can see what I'm seeing albeit in terribly taken pictures. Love you all and I hope things are all well back home!
Love,
Me
<3
Christine did this in many of her journals so I figured I'd do it here as well. It's amazing how much I'm able to do when I am not at Wal-Mart.
What is your current computer desktop image? Let's see it.
I love the Faramir and Eowyn pair. I hate that they were kind of cut from the original movies but immensly happy by the fact that they were in its extended edition. The words in the middle on the left says: "I only want to lose myself in the mirror of your eyes."
Brian and I went bowling today. The first ball was a strike. All the others had the same pattern: the first almost down one gutter, the second almost down the other, finally the third was usually somewhere near the center hitting the most pins. The first two were not gutter balls (most of them anyway), I managed to hit the pins almost everytime.
Right now I'm on my computer, Brian is on his, my sister and Ben are on theirs writing their final papers about what they think about what they consider to be a "good life." Their also studying for their final, right now they are babbling about different philosophers and what their theories.
This summer I have seen three movies: Cars, The Devil Wears Prada, and Click. As different as they all are they all have the same theme. This seems to happen in my life, it's like each year is one giant episode of Sex in the City having a particular theme. It's as if something, maybe some omnipotent God, some very convenient coincidences, or maybe it's just my mind taking in whatever message it thinks I need to learn, but it's as if life, fate, or whatever is trying to teach me through movies, fireworks, stories.
I am a selfish, selfish person. I look at myself in the mirror and I do not know or like who I see. I really haven't for a while. I have changed. I have become someone I do not like and do not approve of. Yes, that person got me straight A's one semester and solid A's and B's the next but it has sure cost me a hell of a lot more than a couple of letter grades. It cost me who I am and changed me, this mindset of mine. I find myself clinging onto relationships and trying to salvage the numerous ones that I broke over the past year. My selfishness is something I always battle but recently I let that selfish drive to get the job, have the solid and secure future, and make my money (or whatever money I can make) consume my life completing replacing what I truly value which is love. No, not just the romantic kind although I have forsaken that as well, but the kind that exists when two or more friends laugh or talk into the night about everything and nothing. The kind that doesn't always need to be spoken but that is just felt.
It's about perspective. My goal this last year was to gain a balance between friends, school, and life. Sadly, I have failed at accomplishing this goal. But that goal that I made on July 4th of last year was not to find a balance but really to succeed in school, in my field studies. Really I just went from one extreme to the other. I went from getting a strike my freshman year of college, the ball going to the extreme side of friendships sacrficing school my sophomore year, and then the ball going to the opposite extreme of consuming myself is school and responsibility at the expense of friendships, maybe this last year I will really find the balance. It's about a change in perception isn't it? Of course, I know that change does not happen quickly but I know it does. I'm the product of it. I'm sorry to all those I hurt this year. I've have justified my lack of action long enough and today it just...well...Clicked (yes, bad pun).
This is who I am. The girl who bounces from one extreme to the other hoping that one day she will find that balance. The girl who is absolutely terrified of herself, her future, and writing about her inner thoughts online where people can see how poorly she writes or fears what others will think about what she writes. She is the girl looking for constant approval but always trying to deny to herself that she needs it. She is the girl who is still trying to figure out who she is and what she values. She is here.
